Night-time Parenting

by maharanifaleiro | Jan 10, 2025 | Being Human, Nurturing Relationships, Parenting

Maharani Faleiro

Joy-focused mentorship,
companionship & learning for
transformation and transitions

"It's like having a sleep dance where we learn to read our baby's cues and provide the support they need for a restful slumber." Dr. Jess Guy

Modern societal expectations do NOT reflect the biology of babies nor meet their needs. Babies can and do adapt to deviations from biological sleep to different degrees but the stress & strain on the newborn family is intense and stressful. It is important to discern between what is biologically vs. culturally normal. Infants have a very different sleep pattern to older children and adults; this is because there is a necessary adjustment to life outside the womb. There is a developmental timeline that simply cannot be accelerated without long term consequences. I have shared the main sources of reliable information at the end of this post.

As an overview, Tracy from @raisedgood identifies 4 key features of biological infant sleep.

1. Babies need help to fall asleep.

They need to have physical contact to feel safe so they can relax and fall asleep. They may also need motion to fall asleep. Consider that they have spent 9 months in a womb being rocked as the mother moves around.

2. Babies need to sleep close to their parents.

This is a part of feeling safe; they need to hear & smell their parents to know that all is well. [My toddler daughter had pointed out that I (an adult) did not sleep alone in bed or in a room.]

3. Babies need frequent feeding through the night.

Our physiology reflects that humans are a carrying species not a nesting species. Babies of nesting species have evolved to be alone for hours while the mother forages for food. Babies of carrying species are always held close & have access to milk that is easily digestible so that frequent feedings are necessary.

4. The total length of sleep is variable in the first year.

The AVERAGE is 14 hours in total – this includes naps & sleep in 24 hours. The RANGE is between 9.7 and 15.9 hours [my daughter was at the low end.]

The variability will depend on many different factors particular to the baby’s temperament, physiology, psychology. What matters is whether the babies are thriving.

tired mom feeding a baby in the corridor

In contrast, society expects that

1. A baby will sleep through the night 8 – 12 hours so that the parents can sleep through the night and wake up refreshed to go to work. So no night-time feeding or wakings. And

2. A baby can fall asleep independently & sleep alone.

There is a clash.

Also understand that sleep in the first year is erratic this is because babies are learning & developing alot in this first year.

Below, is an exchange between a mother and I about night-time wakings.

This is a 9-month old baby who was sleeping well until he started eating solids at 6 months. For 3 months she struggled with supporting his nighttime needs. Since there was no consistent success she wanted to work with a sleep consultant.

In learning more about his night wakings, it seemed that there was a nutrition and/or digestion issue to address. As it turned out, these changes were effective and the baby was able to resume his old sleeping patterns.

Please contact me if you feel that I can support you with your nighttime parenting.